How to solve the illegal immigration problem


Alright folks, everyone knows that there’s this growing problem of illegal immigrants streaming across the border and settling down in the US (or in Canada’s case, American dissidents tired of Bush and running across the border).

We here in America even had President Bush this morning signing a fruitless bill that authorizes building of a fence (though interestingly enough, no funds to actually build the fence). Is that our solution? Fence building? Temporary Amnesty?


You must use the P-Dog “michuh” proposal in order to curb illegal immigration. And just what is that plan? See part of the problem is that all these border hoppers come here and then they have their spawn on non-Mexican soil. I don’t know about Canadian law, but any baby born in the US is an American citizen. It’s much harder to deport a mommy & daddy if their baby is technically American. No one wants to sever families.

I hear that the 70-80% of the baby births at Ben Taub hospital on the border are from illegals, so that tells you something doesn’t it?

My proposal is simple and much less costly than a smegging fence. Internationalize American hospitals. That’s right you heard me. Designate some wing of the hospital to be non-US soil. Set up wards in each hospital that are Mexican soil, like an Embassy within a hospital. Don’t worry about the cost of this, since the US has so much clout over Mexico, coerce the Mexican gov’t to pay for all of this (it’s the least they owe us!).

With all this set up, any damn border jumper with a baby who can’t prove their American citizenship in the least will be escorted to the international section of the hospital, and thus their baby born will not be an American citizen.  Problem solved, no saving grace left to stay in the US!  Nobody will accuse America now of being family splitters anymo’

(Author’s note: I hope the “facetious” tag gave the hint I’m just kidding.  Obviously I know such a plan is unfeasible.  Plus, I don’t have anything against undocumented workers.)

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